1856-1859 RELIGIOUS DIARY. Exceptional Young Diary - Fulton Street Prayer Revival, Lunatics, Sabbath Keeping, etc.

An unusually thorough religious diary of a young girl, presumably about 16 years of age, who family believe is more like to be a Presbyterian than anything else . . . her introspection, attention to the Sabbath, and unwillingness to suffer religious trivialities, make her a bit of an odd bird in her church apparently.

Our authoress seems to be Miss Emily L. Young, Lyceum Hall. It is then signed later by E. J. Young. 

The below extracts reflect our having perused about half of the diary. She comments in depth on prayer, her personal experience of Christ, a season of prayer revival that has impacted her community [as a direct result of the Fulton Street Prayer Revival], on appropriate and inappropriate preaching, on extravagances during prayer during the revival season, on a visit to the Lunatick Asylum, etc., An exceptional example of a young person's religious diary of the time. 

 

Extracts:

Mr. Gray took us to the asylum today. I had never visited one before. As we approached the building, I felt an instinctive dread, yet wished to obtain some knowledge concerning the inmates. The first object which attracted our attention was an old man crying out of the 3rd story window ‘old Carlisle never tires!’ and sundry other nonsensical things. He terminated this discourse with pulling violently at the bars outside the windows, saying at the same time he would get out. We were conducted through the different wards & were permitted to gaze upon those vacant countenances, left thus by the flight of reason. Some of them were as intelligent apparently as we & perhaps more so. One little girl but six years old had been there 4 years. Who of all mankind would look upon those poor creatures without being strangely affected & thanking God for their reason. Tis strange that man should be left such a wreck after being deprived of mind. We had a far more extensive view from the dome of the asylum than from that of the capitol.

I finished reading the Bible through while I was gone. It had been my intention to for reading it this time to select such passages as I considered beautiful, & hereafter to read those parts without reading it through again, but I have found so many beautiful passages scattered through different parts of the sacred volume that I think I shall undertake it again. What a treasure it is, no wonder that some have been imprisoned, yea even died at the stake, rather than to discontinue the perusal of that book of books. We can read it without being afraid of having our minds perverted by some interesting fiction without any moral. It can be read week day & Sunday – but I sometimes feel ashamed to be seen reading my Bible so much; it seems like making a display of it – but thanks to thine aid O blessed Spirit I have overcome that feeling in a great degree.

Mother & I got to town a little before church time & stopped in at aunt Bakie’s until the bell rang. While there Mary asked me which of the churches I was going to attend. The Lutheran, said I. To be sure, said my mother, she is a Lutheran, & it would be rather a stigma for her to pass it when there was English preaching there.” It was said thoughtlessly but that chord in my heart vibrated as though it had been touched very harshly. I said nothing, but could not prevent a flush from suffusing my countenance. I humbly trust all will be right in process of time, either I shall become so much attached to my church as I should be, or some other change will take place.

I promised some time ago to sleep with Lizzie Bittinger & this was the last evening she is to stay. I considered it all day when not otherwise engaged, not knowing whether to break my promise on the Sabbath. I asked Mother & she said I must use my own judgment. At length I decided as the least of the two evils to break my promise & make explanation to Lizzie concerning the cause of my absence. I may have forfeited her good opinion of me, but I dare not willfully break a promise made to God to refrain from visiting on his Sabbath day.

I went to town this morning with the intention of going to Presbyterian church, but the minister (who does not reside here) had not made his appearance. I then went to the Lutheran church, but changed my mind when I got to the door, thinking I might do more good at home than I would by going to German preaching. I looked around in the graveyard for a few minutes & then left not feeling altogether blameless, for I might have understood some. Went to church this evening but did not consider the sermon very good. I think we ought to have another preacher here, though I should be very sorry to see this one leave. His preaching is all that is defective. As a man he is very much liked. If he were to leave I should feel their loss very much.

Our former pastor, Mr. Hay, is here. He still feels an interest in his people, though six years have passed since he preached for us. Some preacher is making quite an impression upon his hearers in town, I should judge by the noise he makes. When any minister holding forth in that church so far loses control over his voice as to be heard at our house – which is half mile from the church – I do not feel like listening to those “gentle tones.”

Was in to see Annie W. & Amanda H. I spoke very foolishly while there, indeed I am very apt to do so when in company with those who think not how much better it would be for them did they say less of those thing which they known are not of any account. How few, how very few there are who speak of spiritual things, but there are some – we trust God has yet a remnant here of his people, in the midst of all this wickedness, & is able to keep them from yielding to temptation. How bad it is for me to mingle in this trifling conversation, forgetting that I have professed to love Christ & by so doing am acting directly contrary to his wishes.

Was at Bible class this evening. There were but very few there – I trust those few were benefited. Eva & Mary came with me to the corner, the remainder of the way I was alone. There is something solemn mingled with the sublime in walking neath the “curtain of night-“ so quiet, so sweet to look at the stars & tremblingly hope we have a home beyond them. Something which exerts a soothing influence over our troubled spirits & prompts us to say O, I would not live always. If it is so delightful here to feel angelic spirits hovering around us, & wafting our very emotions to the skies, what must it be in Heaven?

Tis Sabbath even. This morning heard an excellent sermon on ‘the way of the transgressors is hard.’ It led me to search my heart to see whether I was a transgressor. What a precious season thine unworthy servant enjoyed in prayer unto thee. What can be more pleasant than to bring all our cares unto our God, & ask His unmerited forgiveness – to plead his promises – to ask that his richest blessings, his watchful care, & his Holy Spirit may be with our little band who we trust are seeking to live as in thine immediate presence.

I was in the church this morning; heard an excellent sermon by Mr. Sechler. He gave the motives which should prompt the Christian to come to church. Not to hear an elegantly written, well-spoken discourse, not to criticize – or to go away descanting upon his eloquence – but to hear of Christ & him crucified. O my Savior, help me to come aright. Often we grow weary of everything & wish our life was ended & we in our ‘rest.” Perhaps too often melancholy feelings are indulged by me. I so often do that which I know to be wrong & let go the hand of my Master to gratify self. That I might be more earnest in prayer, more watchful over myself & more willing to submit to what an all wise Providence has ordained – thy servant would ask of thee. I seem to hear a voice saying ‘yet a little while & I will take my flock into my fold.’ How well should that ‘little while’ be spent since there is so much to be done.

Came up to the Lord’s table for the first time of my own accord. No one asked me whether I would, no one desired me to do so – probably from a disinclination to urge a matter any further which had gone thus far. Yet I came, & truly a blessed season it was. Jesus seemed very near to me – the Holy Spirit seemed to be guiding me & I did not feel at all ashamed to be seen among Christ’s followers. I was very much affected & even after church something seemed to seal my lips & say, ‘your Savior should first be talked to.’ I came home quietly & through dinner had been waiting for some time, I would not refrain from seeking a retired room & offering a few words of acknowledgment, for the privilege of participating in this solemn feast. O would that a similar power might actuate me upon all occasions. Would that our blessed Savior would grant unto our little band a constant communion with him.

Amanda Thomas died this evening. She was one of our most regular S.S. scholars. 14 years old & hurried away into eternity by consumption. She was the sister of one of my friends & of one of my scholars. Is not death a monitor to those living, which says be ye also reading to be taken up hither.

‘Tis a year since I stood by the grave of a stranger, one whom I had never seen before, & yet how vividly is it pictured to my imagination – and my friend, who is now far distant, doubtless remembers that evening which was spent together. O! ‘twas a solemn time, how miserable we then felt, but now we have reason to thank God for our down-heartedness at that time. I have never been called to stand by the bedside of a departed friend or relative, but ere long I may be clad in deep mourning, or perhaps myself be carried to the tomb.

Eva & I were talking about poor Sallie T. who was so unfortunate as to be enticed to dance in a bar-room when the clods were yet loose on a sister’s grave. Poor girl! She must have been led into it in an unguarded moment. May God forgive her & lead her to see her utter inability to resist temptation without his aid.

The Wirts had a party. It was the first I had ever attended. I enjoyed myself very much, but the next day, when I heard how much attention had been paid to what was worn & how many remarks were made about dress, I felt very sorry that such an occasion should have been a source of so little enjoyment, as it must have been, to those who were thinking of seeing & being seen. O! how our little town is being puffed up & degraded by Fashion.

Mrs. Trane gave the largest party ever held in Hanover. I had an invitation, but could not conscientiously attend. It is a source of great excitement to me & thought to others it may be innocent enjoyment, to me it is not. When examining the heart after a party, if such a thing is possible, how much is found to commend us as professed followers of Christ? Very little, aye nothing. Can I pray, ‘lead me not into temptation,’ & then willfully disregard the Scripture injunction to abstain from all appearance of evil?

I am reading Pike’s Guide for Young Disciples. I feel that God has blessed the reading of it to my soul. I feel that I am a better creature since I have commenced it. O how I love the books which teach poor sinners such as I how to live in this world of temptation; those which speak of Christ’s love to us – those which cause our souls to burn within & often bring us to Him in prayer. Surely thou hast blessed thy servant in all things. My cup runneth over.

It does not seem as though new responsibilities were now again to devolve upon me at the beginning of another year. One year has passed – the first in which I have tried to serve God irrespective of the opinion of man. O that I may be enabled to strive more earnestly to walk in the narrow path through this year, if my life shall be spared. Though I am now of that age in which mankind are expected to enjoy themselves, I would remember, that the season of youth is not to be entirely devoted to pleasure seeking – but to be preparatory for the stern realities of life. I would so live that if I be taken in early life to inhabit another sphere, mine may be a happy exit to a world where temptations & trials are unknown. During the past year I have learned that all resolutions, made to be carried out by our own efforts, are liable to be broken. Oft have I vowed unto the Lord that I would be & do better in future; yet a few days have witnessed my broken resolutions & I have been led to feel my own inability to do anything. I would trust in God, casting all my cares upon him who careth for me.

For successive Saturdays it has snowed & is now snowing. The roads are excellent – never were better. Everything with runners is brought out & put in motion. I have been out frequently, yet my desire for sleighing is insatiable.

Again I have been detained at home by the snow & rain. Thus I am enabled to feel the greatness of the privilege of attending public worship & I trust I shall hereafter be enable to improve it more. For some time past I felt more sensibly the importance of the Christians ‘keeping himself unspotted from the world.’ For which I would be thankful & keep a stricter discipline over my actions, so that I may not be tempted in an unguarded moment, & led captive at the will of the enemy. I would be a better child of God, an humble recipient of his favors – one who is not ashamed to speak of Jesus in the presence of the wicked & thoughtless. Alas! Heavenly things are mingled too little in my conversation & a blush too often suffuses my countenance at the mention of His name.

The Esismans were here. Also some of the gentlemen interested in the Gettysburg Rail Road [Railroad]. They did not come to any definite point concerning the land, as they knew not which route they would take.

This evening there were 9 of the town girls out, they brought one gent with them. Some of them had never been here before. With a few exceptions, they were a very boisterous company & I cannot but say that I was disgusted with the strange gent & some of the girls. I have been out into gentlemen’s company very little, but if I am not very much mistaken there is such a word as propriety, which seemed to be entirely forgotten this evening. I do not think Mr. Leader is a gentleman or he would have conducted himself decently.

Was out to the Chapel – attended Susan Klunk’s funeral. I do not wish to be Pharisaical, but I could not help thanking God that my faith was different from theirs & that I had not been brought up like these poor, bigoted Catholics. That which affected me most was the priest kneeling before an image of the Virgin & calling upon it to have mercy on them & as he read a long list of names, the congregation repeated – pray for us. When shall the time come when graven images shall be exiled from this Christian land.

Another letter I received about an hour later, but O how different was its tenor, & how painful the emotions which it excited. It was from Mary Kirk, & stated that she was an Infidel! She says some inquiries arise which prevent her doubting the existence of a God, but a future state she believes not in. O my God, do thou dispel the mental & spiritual darkness which she is now enveloped.

This evening I received a letter from Kate Philpot & one from Huldah. I do not know whether I love that girl too much. If I do, God forgive me, but hast thou not said, by this ye shall know that ye are my disciples, if ye love one another. Every time I receive a letter from her, it seems as of the chord if love was growing stronger, for they are so truthful a picture of herself, so humble, confiding & good. O Jesus our Savior, grant that our love to thee may burn with a brighter flame, until it lights us unto thy heavenly courts, where shall be no molestation by pain, sorrow, or separation.

We have a little girl here now & sometimes I don’t know what to think of her; she tells untruths without any scruple at all, although she has been told of its wickedness; she speaks to me occasionally as if I were her  servant & is very careless, &, yet there is something winning about her & her quick forgiveness when she has been harshly spoken to shows that the exterior is the roughest part. I am teaching her to read & the ridiculous blunders which she makes often are laughed at by me, but she does not appear to mind it at all. I too have my faults & alas! How numerous are they, therefore I should not censure those of others.

I have been enabled to progress somewhat – yet I feel that my strength is weakness & my righteousness but as filthy rags in His sight. My chief delight is in prayer, in reading the Bible. I feel that God is granting my request & enabling me to apply its precepts to my life & conduct. Before Jesus could be called my I did not relish reading it at all. I did it merely to keep up outward appearances &, to silence the voice of conscience, though the latter, thank God, I failed to do. After I felt that my heart had been renewed, I took an interest in it & read it as the will of my Father, but even then I felt I did not read it aright, did not as my friend seize every spare moment to grasp its contents. Now I am finding it is indeed the pearl of great price, the inexhaustible treasure.

Mr. Crass, the Presbyterian minister, has left town. He was not liked much. Came for the purpose of organizing a congregation, but failed in it.

The Gettysburg railroad is being taken through our farm.

This evening, in reading the 33rd chapter of Ezekiel, my mind was settled with regard to something which I had long wished to know. People in speaking of accidents often say, ‘Well, it was to have been so,” & is all right, but this says though God has determined to destroy a wicked man because of his sins, if that man repent, he shall be saved, notwithstanding some of His plans are changed by it & the same with respect to a righteous man who becomes wicked – he shall be lost. I therefore infer that God sometimes sees fit to diverge from the common order of things to bring about or effect his own wise purposes.

This morning at two o’clock Miss Darling died of congestive fever, after an illness of not quite two weeks – during this period, with the exception of a few moments, she was delirious. It was a great shock to our community, and a mournful evidence that intellectual attainments, high position in society, or even blooming health do not thwart the purposes of the Destroyer of the body. A voice from the dead also speaks to us, ‘be ye ready for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of Man cometh.

I think it would be well to call this [Middletown] flea-land for 13 a day on a single personage is a little more than we commonly read about.

Went to the [Methodist] camp meeting at Winchester, about 11 miles from here. It did not come up to my expectations or my opinion of the way in which the Sabbath should be kept. I think the evil far overbalances the good which is done there & God’s sacred day is most awfully profaned by the persons there. I quite house of attentive people at home is far preferable.

Matrimony possesses no charms for me & hearing it battered & hammered around in all kinds of shapes by people who can do nothing but speak soft nonsense is disgusting beyond endurance.

The Odd Fellows parade Address delivered by Mr. Lamberton of Harrisburg. They made a very fine appearance and our new band acquitted themselves well. Mr. Lamberton’s address was splendid, rather flowery, by some considered deep, but I think very easily understood. I have not heard so good a speaker for many a day. Of course their system was well advocated by him, and being testified to by others, I have looked into the matter rather deeply and have formed a favorable opinion of it.

There appears to be great distress in cities in consequence of the disaster in financial affairs. People are becoming bankrupt all around every day. Those in the most affluent circumstances a few months ago, and living in the greatest style, are now compelled to give up all to meet the demand of the times and of creditors, and to begin life anew. How hard it must be. We who live in the country feel it in but a limited degree, for which we would be thankful.

Mr. Alleman preached this morning from the text, ‘Having loved his own, he loved them to the end.’ It was a most tender and touching appeal to Christians and many a heart-chord vibrated with the love of Jesus, and tearful eyes told of interest and deep feeling.

Thanksgiving day. Today we had a turkey dinner. All the children were here & Uncle William  & Mary called to see Frank & Elaine. Sat in on the choir; think I shall continue to do so. Mr. Alleman preached a sermon upon Government, brought in temperance, politics, rail roads, & everything which ought have been there. The people in general were delighted.

Today we are all at Aunties. It has been snowing some little. Harry & Kate went to Cashtown this afternoon. Mr. Anstead of Gettysburg preached an excellent sermon this afternoon. Mr. Alleman has had a protracted meeting this week; it has been attended with success & there is a great deal of feeling throughout the congregation. A recipient of a blessing this evening manifested her joy by shouting aloud in the midst of Mr. A’s sermon. It disturbed him very much & caused him to make a remark for which he is now sorry. He is not in favor of shouting.

Sat beside a woman in prayer meeting this evening who disturbed me very much by outward demonstrations of distress, unaccompanied by any internal evidence according to my opinion. Perhaps I judge harshly, but in such things I am generally correct.

Took tea at Reubens after which I went to Choir meeting, where I found a Melodeon intended as an addition to our Choir; it is not such in my opinion.

Went to German Reformed prayer meeting where a stranger officiated. His lecture was very good, but his gestures ridiculous. The laughing propensities of the audience were wrought to such a pitch that when near the end of the lecture, he stepped backward off the pulpit & only prevented himself from falling on the floor by catching hold of the pulpit, it was only by violent efforts that they kept from laughing outright. I certainly never had my risibilities so excited in the house of God before, but as it was unavoidable I hope to be forgiven.

Prayer meeting in our church. Mr. A – read an account of the great religious awakening in New York. I believe there never has been such a season of rejoicing throughout the whole Christian church as now. It is not confined to any denomination, but in all spreads as gently and as thoroughly. There have been 50,000 converts throughout, the land in one week. O what a feast of fat things, what an answer to prayer, what a joy in Heaven, aye and upon Earth. Heavenly Parent, pass us not by for the sake of Jesus, thy son, Our Savior. We need thy blessing and presence so greatly.

There [was] a great deal of interest & feeling manifested in our congregation. The greatest Gamblers & the most wicked men in our town came to church & are very attentive. Many are visiting the Pastor with the enquiry, what must I do to be saved. Lord, we thank thee that thou art answering sent up from every part of the country, “Thy Kingdom come.”

Went to Lutheran church this morning; heard Rev. C. C. Culler. He is very energetic & faithful. The Lutheran church has grown to be the largest in town during his ministrations.

Went to Presbyterian church this evening. Heard a young minister from Baltimore, he is a very fine preacher. We took dinner out, which was contrary to my inclinations & to the dictates of conscience, but I was obliged to go or one of the family would have been deprived of what was to them a pleasure. We did not stay long, but desecrated the Sabbath for all that.

A very good copy, bound in quarter leather, generally solid, with generally bright pages.